a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
