She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize