Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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