I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
