I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
