What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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