i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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