she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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