at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
