did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
