You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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