The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
