Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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