I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
