I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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