I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
