I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
