i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
