Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
