Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
