We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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