If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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