Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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