Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
