It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
