omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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