Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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