it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
