Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize