Jerry, you need to find god
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
