You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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