I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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