just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
