Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
