Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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