names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
