I'm lost and stupid without you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
