You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
