How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize