So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
