theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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