thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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