oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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