This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
