Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
