I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
