all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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