If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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