So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
