im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
