Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
