By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
