Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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