Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
