oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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