I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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