youre lurking in front of me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
