I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
