No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
