dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
