I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This is my gift to your gina
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
