i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize