is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
