it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
