A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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