ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
