Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize