Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
