hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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