wakey wakey hands off snakey
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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