We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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