3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
