She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
