He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
