Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
