Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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