I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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