Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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