there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
