needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
