"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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